Thanks CSC.

It still is really tough, he's trying to convince me that it's the wrong thing to do, that us being together and me saying "If you don't get help, I will call a break", will make him get help, not us being on a break and me saying "The sooner you get help, the sooner I'll be back in your arms again, happy with you". He's making em feel incredibly awful and he might not be meaning to, but it's killing me, really it is..

I'm trying so hard.. I thought giving him an ultimatum to get help, like he did with me to stop me SI'ing, would help and I'm sticking to it.. I'm digging my heels in deep this time.. I want to cry, i want to scream, I want to stab myself to death, I want to whack myself again.. But... *sigh* I just want to give up..

My heart aches so, so much.. nbot just for Connor, but for all the people I can't stop thinking about.. Hopefully Chris'll get his workbook done that he's got piling up, so he can come help me out a bit tonight. Doesn't bother me if he can't. Just would be nice to have another snowball fight and such (teehee).

Just. Want. Everything. To. Disappear. Just. Want. To. Die.

it's killing me