I'm new here but I can relate to what you said, you were the brave one, you never sat still. I to was like that, in fact I was always the go-to girl. I was the one everybody depended on in the family, I was the tough one the solid one, the workaholic, all business, the one that got things done. Then things started coming apart for me. It started alittle at a time,its cost me alot and I am now pretty much housebound, can't answer the phone, can't answer the door. Had to decide how small my life could get before it wasn't a life anymore. How much responsability was I willing to put on my husband. I want me back maybe with alot more balance, I finally realized I needed help after I got physically ill and it just freaking floored me. I got a chronic pain condition, this forced me into therapy, which forced me into dealing with complex PTSD. I don't want to keep this stuffed down anymore, I don't want to be afraid, I don't want to pretend I'm dealing anymore, it nearly ate me up. Now slowly I'm learning to cope, and be honest, I hope that truth will make me free. I hope this makes some sense. I really do hope things get better for you, it doesn't have to be scarey forever.