Hello All --

I guess it's no mystery that people who are jobless or have money troubles may experience situational depression.

I thought I was doing well, despite everything. Since taking over handling my bills from my mother, the reality of the situation I created during the 20 months I was nonfunctional has come crashing in on me. Overall, I think it's good that I am facing up to this responsibility, but it is scarey and has been pushing me down that slippery slope again.

I started using neurontin again to help me sleep. This is a noncomforming use of neurontin, which is used to control epileptic seizures, which I don't have. It also has been implicated in causing depression, I think only in young adults so far, and I'm not young. However, my metabolism handles a lot of meds in non-common ways. No need to list them here.

At any rate, I decided to stop taking the neurontin again. I am taking half of one PM pain pill, which uses benadryl as the sleeping agent. This is not good for the liver, but a half cap is one-quarter the normal adult dose. Two caps would make me sleep for more than 24 hours, so this is another way that my body doesn't process meds normally.

Even with the half-cap, however, I am up till 3 a.m. Then I sleep til 9 or 10 a.m. I've been up the past two or three nights like this. The depression is lifting a little -- but with the problems I have to confront, it's hard to tell whether the depression is situational or physiological.

Because of this mood of "I don't care" that's settlled upon me, I am feeling as if "I don't care" if I sleep til noon -- even though I really do care enough to try to roust myself from bed by at least mid morning.

If depression alleviates even a little, that's a blessing, because the pain of the really low points is much worse than the 'I don't care. Life is a drag' level of depression. So I've made a choice that staying up til all hours is better than going to sleep using a pill that may increase depression.

I know all the remedies to bring sleep on--

camomile tea

always go to bed at the same

use bed only for sleeping, not reading, watching TV etc.

dark room

white noise machine

don't do stimulating activities right before bedtime

exercise (ha,ha -- it has helped in the past, but I don't and should)

I can't use melatonin or warm milk

I wish I could have a happy surprise like Pat had.

Thanks for reading