Actually what it is like is different for everyone. However what you have described sounds like a dissociative coping mechanism........that is a far cry from dissociation as a disorder though!

Dissociation is a natural coping mechanism we are all born with. The degree to which we 'learn' to utilize it to cope is where it becomes problematic. Most everyone says they have the experience of driving to work or school and not remembering how they got there......the brain goes on autopilot and the driving gets done but the brain isn't actively focused on that.....thus the dissociative experience in that moment.

Dissociative disorders are a whole 'nother ball of wax.

Since you mention money is tight I would recommend using interlibrary loan to get some books that have more information about the entire dissociative spectrum so that you could have a better understanding. You also mention this isn't a coping mech. that you want to have so reading more about it may help you to gain the upper hand on this milder form of dissociation.

A quick search of this forum will bring up many titles but the two that jump to mind are: The Myth of Sanity--Martha Stout ISBN 0142000558, and The Stranger in the Mirror--Marlene Steinberg and Maxine Schnall ISBN 0060954876. A reviewer on one bookseller site says about the second book </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
The actual diagnosis of this mental condition needs to be done by a trained clinician, but there are helpful questionnaires in the book to help you determine whether such a clinician should be sought for you or someone you know. You need to have pretty broad-based and severe symptoms before you have this disorder.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Good luck and healthy healing!