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Feb 04, 2009, 04:54 AM
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Member Since: Jan 2006
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,810
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Welcome, DIFFdrummer 
I felt compelled to write here because your simple sentence really hit home. Speaking for myselves, we all fear connecting with other people, eventhough, that is what we truly desire. Pushing the issue only made it worse because I hadn't worked on my own issues of trust vs triggers. What we desire the most, we fear the most. . . . . Because our trust was ripped away so many times.
I don't know if this will help and talking with your psychologist will definately shed light on it for you. . . . . We have to keep working on trusting ourselves and then testing the waters with others, in order to gain what we are seeking. As most with DID, re-learning that the world is not Black and White/All-OR-Nothing, is extrememly difficult. Using self-talk to adjust our hypervigelance is also helpful. That one takes tons of practice and we are still working on it but it's getting better and dare I say "easier"  ?!
It all takes time. Know you are not alone. We all struggle with these same issues and it does get better, with the right kind of help from a T and your own desires. Some issues, eventhough intellectually we want them and know them to be true, are difficult to grasp if old stuff is blocking their assimilation.
Be Gentle and Patient with Yourself - ME
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 "It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end.
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