i was my T's first DID client. she learned how to help in our time. she changed approaches as her knowledge/understanding increased. but i feel chaotic inside. i picked up the idea of being integrated as THE objective of healing. she told me not to name parts and so i did not name them. it just feels so jumbled and like a game of "pick up stix". one reason my denial system can still mess with our minds is because we do not see our system - just hear disembodied voices from the indistinct grayness.
i am really bummed out about this. more than i can say, as usual. i can't see what i am working toward. i no longer think of integration as the end objective of dealing with having DID. I want us to find a solution for us all and an objective we can work together to accomplish. just now i still feel lost, adrift.
leslie
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