(((((((((((((((((RhysMadison)))))))))))safe hugs

i'm so so sorry about the trauma you had to go through when you were mostly integrated. It must have been a horrific time- so impossibly hard to go through with parts so close - so hard to find a safe place inside.
It sounds so scary to integrate- even the word does but i know that it's the goal of most therapy. We wish we could say that we don't need T. There isn't communication so there is dependence upon T to help us know what parts think It's so hard to depend upon someone who makes us worse.
T understands us but i know that i can't trust him in a crisis.

RhysMadison, i can't tell you how much i appreciate your sharing about you and your understanding how difficult it is.

We dread it too when people call us by the born name. There's no way to get around it though, i guess. Names hold so much history.
About three years ago T was talking to a part during hypnosis and then called me out at the same time.

i met her and at hearing her name i was able to see her entire history also. Now she (and all of her history) is accepted as part of me. i think we were i. with her. It does feel that there is more safety when we're separated but it also makes everything a confusing mess to live and we have to depend upon T to communicate with parts for us. Now that the a. issues are brought up we have no where to turn in the crisis it brings. It does feel like it damages us more.
i hope that it's possible to get better.

It's so good that there is still the freedom to 'call parts back.' i didn't know that that comforting option was there. Everything is too hard. i wish we had support IRL.

Thank you so much for helping- i don't feel so terribly alone with the mess.

love,
kerria