I tried so hard to stop myself, but I didnt know what to do... I was scared... theres a lot behind all of this... I have a boyfriend you see and well we dont have our own place we are living with some other people who were nice enough to let us stay with them. I appreciat that but they are hard core christians not that i have anything against that. But my boyfriend and i were intement and in my eyes thats no sin, its a form of love between two people who love eachother. But these people found out and are dissapointed with us, i can understand that but i got scared, so after 2 years of not picking up the knife i finally did.
But now the sadness consumes me, because I love my boyfriend and he loves me and I really dont love people or much less use the word love but he is so different, and now all i want to do is run away from everything... Im so ashamed and it seems to me that shame and remorse that i am feeling causes me to pick up the knife every night now... the bad this is its been going on now since Sunday feb 1st and Im scared that perhaps oneday i will take things too far... i tried to ask my parents for help something else i dont really do and they just blew me off and told me what a falier i was. so now i feel so alone in this world, like no one cares and whats the point now... Ive smashed the flowers that grow from my eyes, now causing me to become blind to the light around me.