Sitting,

I hear you saying that you're feeling afraid to realize how incongruent your inside and outside are. I know you didn't like hearing that your inner life and the way you portray yourself to others is "completely different." But please remember a couple of things. First, that it is a huge step even to begin realizing you have inconsistencies. Many people go through life with no self-awareness, not even knowing they have inconsistencies within themselves or between the inner person and the outer person. You are beginning to look at this "differentness." Though it is scary, as you become more aware of it, and as you talk about it with your t, you will have much more insight into yourself.

Second, please remember that the main reason you have this inconsistency between your inner life and outer actions is because you did not feel allowed to be yourself. You learned over time that it was not safe to do so. So you became what others wanted you to be on the outside, while shielding the real person you are inside (or perhaps even pushing it out of your own awareness). Now, you and t have some exciting uncovering work to do. You may uncover parts of yourself that feel unacceptable or bring up pain. But you will also discover precious, good parts of yourself you may have buried long ago.

It is going to take a great deal of emotional safety in order for you to learn how to let your words and actions match what you feel inside. Within the safety of the t's office is a place for you to experiment in doing that. In time, you may feel safer to begin expressing yourself to others more authentically. But you will need to learn who it is safe to reveal your inner thoughts and feelings to. Some people will not deserve it. You must learn how to test the waters, so to speak. Be cautious who you entrust your heart to.

Once you've healed and feel more whole, you will have a good sense of who you are and how you feel. You will not feel so conflicted or confused inside. At that time, you won't be hiding who you are, out of fear of rejection or feeling like you have to be somebody else to please others. You will be able to express your true self. But you will continue to need to protect that inner self from those who would be damaging to you. . .choosing only to reveal that inside tender you with those who have proven over time that they are trustworthy.

You are on an exciting journey of self-discovery! Try not to be afraid. You are going to learn so much.