I'm trying so, so hard to be around different people and I am being with different people, but I feel like I'm asking s**t loads of them when i ask them to help me.. Especially when I talk to them for hours about stuff..

I mean, Chris, for example.. I knwo he's a professional and knows how to deal with it and such and he wouldn't have put himself out there if he didn't want to help me, but.. I just feel like I'm asking so, so much of him... I don't want to feel like this, but it feels like I'll feel this way forever and I just can't take it...

I still want to SI, I still want to OD, to die.. I'm getting closer and closer to pulling out that blade, or those pills or whatever and just doing it.. I have another plan that I'd want to use, but that'd be in a last ditch attempt to die.. I can't say what it is because everyone's watching me, everyone's going to attack me, jump on me and tie me down, stop me doing it.. Everyone will tell someone of authority what I'm going to do and I just can't let that happen..

I need to die. I'm sorry for being such a waste of time, space and energy..