thanks.

i think i'd be too scared to jump unless i were incredibly desperate... unless i found a way to jump from higher, but i doubt i'd have that chance. really, i hate the thought of doing something so drastic... i long for it but fear it. well... most of the time. sometimes i get so dark i don't care...

that's why my other attempts were ods... they're not so final... i take an action and if God won't allow it, as i fear, then it's thrawted, and i'm not left broken and mangled. but for what i don't know... i just end up in the same place again. i don't know. i hate being hopeless; i wish i wasn't.

just so tired.