Oh good Lord, I will have to try this!! TPND, please know that no harm was meant by that, honest to God I think I will try it someday. ((((((K-))))) if only you could look back on your past posts and see just how strong you are and just how far you've come. Colleen's right--we need time to let it all out, scream, get rid of it, then we can truly focus on our well-being. After all you've gone through, you deserve it. Then you can focus better. You have your moments of clarity and determination, but then a word or look from someone sets you back....you are so caring and helpful, you want to please everyone. I love your determination that you are going to help now. So you really CAN do it. You ARE doing it. You may not want to anymore, and I understand that. But your alternative is pretty darn permanant and I know you don't want that--you can't sing, you can perform, you can't help injured animals. You have such life and spark in you, have your 24 hours straight of screaming and life-sucks screaming and crying. Then deep breath and focus on how you are going to maintain these goals you've set. I'm very proud of you and think you are making big progress.