I think one of the central goals of my therapy was for the inside and outside selves to become more congruent. I don't think we ever really articulated that much but it underlaid everything. We didn't work on it consciously, or at least I didn't. We never said, sunny, what can you to do to become more congruent? and then made a list and tried those things. We weren't goal directed at all. But one of the big benefits of therapy for me, is that through therapy, somehow, my inside and outside have become more congruent. I think part of it was I was so shut off from my feelings. And through therapy I have learned to (sometimes) recognize I am feeling a certain way. Before I just felt nothing. As I learned to know if I was feeling something and to actually know what it was, I had a bigger challenge to learn how to express that. I still am not good at this stuff at all, but I am so much better. Being able to express how my inner self is feeling makes my outer self come into sync with my inner. It's actually great, and I really like it. It takes so much less energy to simply be who you are. When I wasn't who I am, I was, unknown to myself, spending tremendous effort to not feel and to not express feelings ("holding it all inside"). It is just so nice to feel something and to express it. I find now that I can't even do some of the holding feelings inside that I used to, or act contrary to how I am feeling. It's like I've become physically unable to do that. I remember telling that to T once when he asked me to do something. I said, no, that would be contrary to how I feel about that, and I can't do that. Do you want me to pretend? Do you want me to lie? No, he didn't, and he said I can't do that anymore because I have become more congruent.

So, sitting, I think what I am saying, is that congruence is a great thing that can come out of therapy. It may take a long time to make progress and you may not even know you are changing. But one day you find yourself more congruent. Keep going.