i've been curious about online dating and filled out profiles to the point to where they cost money to see what kind of results i get before. i filled out one tonight... curious... you know? i see interesting people on there, would like to check it out (paid portion), but i'm not sure i'm ready to try it right now... i'm afraid i'm too unstable, and i've always wondered if i should have friendships before a potentially romantic relationship - and i haven't had friendships. and i'm really nervous about... everything to do with relationships... and i'm really hopeless...

i can't decide whether such a move would be harmful or beneficial to me right now. could give me one more thing to be down about and/or stress on me, or it could, possibly (very small possibly) help me connect and move forward.

i think i'm not healthy enough/ready, but i just don't know.