luce, i am sorry you are having a rough time. i feel dumb but i don't understand except in a spiritual sense. the bible says that we all feel a tug to do the wrong thing and find it hard to do the right thing. that God can help us overcome that because of his forgiveness. i am not meaning to "go religious" on you.

i don't understand what you said from the part of being multiples. am i really dumb or something?

leslie