Del, I can relate to this more than you could know. I am terrified of my father's anger... of his retribution for not doing what I 'should' (in his eyes). There are so many consequences of making the wrong choice. But I don't want to keep bowing to him. I want to respect myself, my own needs, my own feelings.

What *I* want is for him to leave me alone. After all htese years I don't thnk he's gonna do that, so I have to find a way for me to be strong enough to not feel like I have to do what he wants.

But to do that, I have to go against what *he* wants, and that induces so much terror in all my alters that know him better than I do that I can't bring myself to do it.

I think this is something similar to what you are describing, yes?

In my case, doing what is right for myself is a goal I am working *towards*, and not something I expect to be able to do immediately. There are a few other, ahhh, 'issues' around this dilemma that need exploring first.

Guess what I am trying to say is, I agree with your T. This isn't a decision you need to make right away. Some days you may feel strong enough to not call him, and other days it might make more sense to call, if you are unable to contain the fear in a different way. The ultimate goal *is* to be true to yourself and your own wants, needs and self-respect. But you don't have to achieve that today.