Quote:
Originally Posted by del12
sometimes even a call or thinking about talking to him can trigger those anxious feelings and self doubt.
There is a part of me that says You Have To Make a Decision and that it is wrong for me to ignore him.
It scares me that he will be angry with me.
How do you start thinking about taking care of yourself instead of worrying about what others will think.
Why is it so much easier to get these thoughts out here than in a session?
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Hi Del! I think that the whole
process of you thinking through this decision is the most important part of all of it. You seem to be a very clear and organized thinker. Your post is filled with all of the issues. This will help you immensely! All of those issues up there ^ need to be thought through and after you do this it will be a major accomplishment!
The main point seems to be your needs vs. his. What keeps you from attending to your needs? Habit, because your upbringing was his needs take precedence and you don't have needs? This is a very common theme here. I had to go through it too.
One of the factors in this theme is his anger. His anger keeps you focused on his needs at the cost of your needs. Getting over the fear of his anger is an issue that you can work on.
Not contacting him at this point will meet your needs in the short term by not triggering you.
I think that writing is easier than talking because there are no distractions to getting your thoughts out. Early in the journey we are very distracted by others for many reasons, one being our needs vs. theres, etc. As you heal it gets easier in person.