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I hadn't talked or heard from my father (my abuser)since Christmas and was feeling relieved. He called last week and left a message. I haven't called him back and I am constantly going back and forth in my mind should I call him or shouldn't I. I talked to my T and said that I didn't think I was going to call him. My T said that I don't have to amke a decision right away. That right now all these thoughts and feelings about the abuse are just starting to surface and that it is important I surround myself with caring and supportive people. When I left my therapy I felt good about waiting and not making a decision right now whether I am going to stay away or keep in touch. Even if it is just a phone call. SInce it is his verbal abuse that continues, sometimes even a call or thinking about talking to him can trigger those anxious feelings and self doubt. There is a part of me that says You Have To Make a Decision and that it is wrong for me to ignore him. It scares me that he will be angry with me. Then I think who cares if I call or not. He certaintly doesn't becasue if he really cared he wouldn't treat me like he does. How can I deal with this without beating myself up over it? How do you decide what is best. I guess what is most important is what is best for me. Boy I have a hard time thinking that way. How do you start thinking about taking care of yourself instead of worrying about what others will think. Why is it so much easier to get these thoughts out here than in a session? Thanks for being here.
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Yeah, i think I know how you feel... I had the same problem with my father about two weeks ago. I feel that he has the ability to make me feel guilty fro small things that when he wants to get his way he just shoves it at my face; I also get the feeling that he tries to control or seem to know waht is best for me... Well the other day I got fed up, and got up and left. i left him right there where he was. Two days later I received an email saying he was sorry... Needless to say, in my family there has been problems before. My mom got divorced from my dad(really it was a relief) some time ago. Through the yrs i have learned to focus my father from the outside, I have seen he produces the same feelings in other people... this has hlped me some. I mean I can't change my father, but I can change my conception of what he tells me or how he tells me things.
These two last weeks I haven't seen him. It even passed my head that maybe I was not being nice. But it's not true, I do worry it's just that I don't want to put up with the way he makes me feel sometimes. I will call him, but I'll do it when I feel on a safe ground that suits me. Nobody has to make you feel guilty, or put down, not even your father. This is what I thought. I'll call when I feel at peace and I will always focus from an outer point of view and try not to be absorbed by him. I receive msgs, just mobile msgs, and I have felt that anxiety u talked about. It's ok for it to be there, it's not your fault. Just try to be more objective maybe to not internalise too much what he sais. I know how badly it affects u receiving negative msgs from one of your parents since I have gone through(and going) the same thing.it takes patience, and experience and exercise to know how to deal with these issues. See u, Rappaccini
