I hear that you are not able to express yourself verbally. How about artistically? I, too had a life that resembled a bad movie, a hell, yet I had nothing physical to point, no explanation, to this day, I have no idea WHY society treated me like they did, as I am writing in my autobiography, "This teacher has a story!" The explanation mark is the key here, the key to the story. And yes I was helped visually, artistically, right here in this website. The Thread is called "The Use of Imagery in Discarding Old Self," and it is found in the Sharing Self Help Ideas forum. What nowheretorun expressed I have found to be a truth, that there is an element of insanity in this existence, a big element. You may not be able to get those fifteen minutes back, yet you can spend a lifetime growinf for the better right here at PC, welcome. You can PM me. I care for you already.