Thank you, Madisgram, your reply has been very helpful.. I do constantly feel invalidated by what they say or do.. I want to feel validated, like a real person, like I am important, by and to, them. I need that.. I've been trying for so long now to try to accept who I am, but all their comments in the past have made me feel liek I'm deserving of more abuse.. Of the abuse i got from my boyfriend.. Which caused me to call for a break in the first place *sob* he never hurt me physically, but emotionally, he was killing me, really, horribly hurting me.. That's part of the reason i took the OD a few months ago.. To get away from it, to feel that I could be away from it, that I could be ok and safe..

I.. I just want to feel like I am a good person, because.. I've always strived to be a good person and have always, always made myself the best person i can be.. I've made some awful mistakes, and I'm not making excuses, but some of those mistakes were because I didn't feel loved, cared about, wanted and others made me feel that, in other ways.. They gave me what I needed.. And then it messed things up..

I'm breaking apart, really I am and I just can't take it anymore.. I'm trying so, so hard.. i have a banging headache, I feel weak, I'm really tense constantly, always orrying that if someone sees the scared, shy, anxious girl I am inside, they'll run a mile and not want to be there as a friend.. So I make myself seem confident..

I'm.. I'm slowly dying inside.. And The more bad things that happen, the more I die inside..

I. Just. Want. To. Be. Loved. Is that so much to ask?