It wasn't my Foster Family.. They were the kindest people that ever loved me, that ever took me on as their own child.. It was The Adoptive Family.

She wouldn't have been trying to share the moment with me.. Well.. Ok, maybe she would a little, but more so, she wanted to rub it in my face that I wasn't there to see it.. Shana's bringing her over to see me sometime soon.. So i can cuddle her and walk her, be with her again, be her loving owner again.. They can't take her away from me, because if they tried, I'd get her back somehow.. I might try asking for her birth papers, just say that I want them in memory of her, to frame them and hang them on my wall to remind me that.. Wel.. That someone does love me..

Even if it is a dog.. A dog's love to me is more important than anything.. Of course i want love from a human, but from an animal is the thing I need most right now.. I just wish I knew a way to get a pet.. I've heard about a special pet for people with mental health difficulties and such and I just know that.. When I was in my worst state, with Shana and family, I'd just take the dog, cuddle and kiss her, breathe in her smell and she'd lick my hand and I'd cry.. Knowing that she can feel my pain.. She'd whimper at me sometimes, knowing that I'm down even if I'm hiding it..

Just playing with that bundle of fur was enough to lift me out of what could have been the worst depression ever.. But i was blamed for her cowering, because I was the one that was always in the wrong, everything was always my fault, so the arguments they had with me would make her cower and they'd shout at me for it, making her cower even more.. I hated to see that, i tried to stop it by taking her away to my room but the shouting never stopped, so I'd just feel worse.. Knowing it's my fault

I can't take much more..