Good point Rap.

Yeah ...putting the pieces is progress.

As far as dreams etc. I look at it like this ...life is a job ..a job I have to do ... I don't have a job. I have to "put my time in" and I'm waiting to retire.

That's the best answer I have right now.

I actually had a conversation for the first time with my sister ever about this ever today. She could tell I was quite serious and she said that at times she has felt like this when she's been down and said that she felt said because she would like me to not live like this and want me to want more from life.

She could also see though that I was totally not afraid to go right there on the spot and it struck her strange. She's a funeral director so we've been surrounded by death all our lives and not too many people are truly at ease to be able to say that they are completely comfortable with the idea of being "ready" to go and at peace with that.

She's like I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Anyways we had a good conversation about some other things that she said she was glad that I could explain that she never knew about ...mostly about the dissociative stuff. How I don't know myself...when I look in a picture or a mirror too long I see a stranger.

Anyways, my ex is going to drive me completely nuts (again) .. my son is sick with a cold..and I hope it doesn't set off his asthma. This all started (again) b/c my ex does not take care of him properly.

This isn't really what triggered me...it's just a little part of the things that start building up.

I hope everyone is well.

*hugs*
Take care
Eva