IM sorry you're going through this - are you supposed to be coming off your psyche meds? can you go back to tapering them off if you are supposed to?
Can you talk to the part of you that is "Self sabotaging" and see why this is happening - why that part of you thinks you should suffer pain ? I think it is SI JMO - but thats not the important part
the important part is why are you doing it? and can you stop and take a more gentle approach - you dont deserve to hurt - you deserve to be healed - can you ring your T and talk about it?
P7
__________________
Its not how many times you fall down that counts 
its how many times you get back up! 
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture 
)
When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet