I lost it completely.. Chris came to see me and managed to calm me down, but a couple of hours later i panicked again, managed to calm myself down, but was still having awful thoughts.. And I couldn't handle it and i acted on them

I took a mini overdose.. It started off as trying to get rid of a headache, but once I'd started I couldn't stop.. I was drinking at the time too.. So that, on top of the panic attacks caused me to collapse a couple of times, so I just went and made a snowman with Rich (first snowman I've ever made!)and kept falling over, slipping and tripping and such. It distracted me for a while, but then I just carried on drinking..

So.. Stayed up until 6am doing the snowman and such and then slept for an hour and a half, waking up to Connor's Mum calling me.. I guessed what it was about, so didn't answer.. I knew she knew somehow. Connor then called me and was kind(ish) about it, when I said it was an accident that it had started off as trying to get rid of a headache but then I just couldn't stop..

I just feel really on edge, sick, weak and shaky at the moment.. I haven't eaten anything since because I feel so sick and I can't stomach anything at all.. I'm scared of throwing it back up

I couldn't call anyone, I tried talking it through-hell- I even had a bath to calm me down, but none of it worked.. Rich and Charlene just sat there and let me do it.. Bit strange, but.. I guess they weren't really concentrating on the fact that I was taking one after the other..

I'm so drained.. Phoned nhs direct, they said to call my dr and see him, if I can't see him, go to MIU. Emily's going to come with me, unless Chris decides he wants to.