((((Rhap))))) you get it. TY. Peace is exactly what I'm missing, and what I want.

((((Turquoisesea))))) you're right -- finding something worth holding onto is hard. Not so much when I'm not having myself a pity party, but still.

(((((madisgram))))) part of my issue here is that I've been in and out of therapy (mostly in), tried eleventy-billion meds, etc, for the depression, etc for more than a decade -- and yet nothing's really changed, when it comes down to it. And part of it is that I'm having a tantrum, yeah.

((((((daggy))))))) in other words, as Kurt Vonnegut said, we do, doodily-do, what we must, muddily-must, until we bust, bodily-bust? I suppose so. He smoked a pack of unfiltered cigs a day for decades, had a couple suicide attempts and still lived to be 84 . I'll keep on plugging away -- just need to whine now and then!