Why can't I learn to live again? Is there no live after mental illness? After a relationship that's been over for months? Why do I only have fun on VERY rare occasions? Sometimes I feel like I deserve all this misery I live in... and I DO live in misery. Life is difficult right now and it seems like no matter how hard I try, every step up the mountain I take is followed by a subsequent plummet back to the bottom. How long do I have to try before I reach the top? I guess the answer is never or it wouldn't be called life. You reach the top when you die. But I want to at least be remotely happy on the way up. A genuine smile would be nice. I haven't had one in I can't remember how long. Everything hurts so much sometimes... the tears never end when I feel this way. It will pass... so is the course of bipolar, but it sure is hard to see out when I'm down like this. I'll be ok though.

Ry