I am struggling with the negative feelings of lack of self confidence, self worth and failing hope around going forward work-wise, into the days ahead.

I had a private career coach in the past and have been working toward the goals I set then, but I will not be able to afford one now. I know lots and lots about doing career exploration, a career in this field, is what I am working toward.

With my PTSD, I am really wondering if I am going to be able to withstand the pressures that the workforce will now have for me.

I'm older and wiser but does the workforce really want younger and less experienced. Papers say they want the older workforce to stay, but in reality, the one who gets hired seems to be under 50. This is discouraging. I have been on several interviews lately and I'm not the one hired but when I check back it is the younger ones that are. I want them to be hired too, so I am glad for them.

I've been working on the following:

1. a self-employment project since 2003-04 for the web,
2. a career goal of being a career practitioner and in the meantime,
3. doing jobs that pay the bills

but this downturn in the ecomony has thrown me for a loop, emotionally, sort of. Heap this on me, with ptsd, and I'm a bit of wreck, if not worse.

My T is very empathetic and thankfully, an entrepreneur but for some reason the repercusions (sp?) economic cloud sits perched upon me and I can't get up enough energy to blow it away, at least not by myself.

Where am I going with this, I don't know? Your input, I think.

I am, at the same time all this is going on, very grateful to be able to care for our grandchildren, at times I wouldn't normally be able to, because I am not working. I have joined a local senior's (no I'm not a senior yet but they let me join for a little less $) centre, and I was starting to swim to get me out of the house, in the early mornings. I have been called in for a few days at my old work so I am happy they are still considering me.

When I saw this topic I was really encouraged but I need a little more depth, if possible.

Because I already do all the cutting corners, there is really not much more I can cut or be frugal around. I have been doing this for years and really actually enjoy it. We have a garden, all of that! They are really good suggestions but I need something more. I need people with similar conditions, going through the same! I have lived through a couple of downturns in the economy, as many of you have, but for some reason this time I am stuck in a kind of fear and worry (something I do well) about others having to pay for me. I'd rather die, if you know what I mean.

My barriers (not my word) to employement are quite a few. If I go into too much detail, this so called, quick post, will be a book. I don't really want sympathy, empathy or compassion so much as I really would like to work and to go forward.

I do have plans, thankfully and probably all will all work out but I guess what I am asking is, for your stories, your input and your support. I have lost my enthusiasm but not my marbles (at least, not any more than I'd lost from what went on before, in my life).

My plans are to continue to go to my local Govn't employment centre and ask for their suggestions, go to temp agencies and try to meet others locally with similar concerns. This will take time.

This is a greater request then, than the suggestion of cutting coupons etc, if you know what I mean.

We are in 'this one' (economic downturn) together , whether we like it or not (good grief, I'm sounding like my mother!). I'm not the only one with barriers. How do we help each other in a kind way without dumping on those who put us in these dire straights? Maybe like in the 30's, I'll know my neighbours better but right now I've only lived in this area for ten months. I'm a bit untrusting and cautious too, good and bad.

My son-in-law and daughter and family are close in proximity but I still need to pay for my shelter, my food and my clothing, so I really know that working is my best option.

I'm mostly physically competent except for my weight (45 lbs I know were are not counting). I am appreciative of working and I don't take that I am able to work for granted at all! I want to thank those on ED Forum for help on the weight issue. I have done many jobs, including cleaning, washing toys, retail as well as other jobs so it's not that I mind any of those.

Thoughtful suggestions will be much appreciated! I'm sure I can't be the only one with these concerns. It's a bit of personal pride too, maybe. Not overly proud just reasonable. I have an expectation of myself. Sometimes it's a little wonky, like when I look at what others seems to have. But for all I have been through in life, I am right where I know I should be. I just have to measure myself with a different measuring stick!

Thanks for all of you! Thanks for all you do and write. I have truly appreciated being here for this short period of time. How dare I even ask for more? I don't know, exactly. It's just that your all so darned nice.

Ice