So, everyone, I made it up to today without ANY codeine. Today I had a slip. I figured(rationalized - you know how that goes) that it was Friday so a little fun wouldn't hurt.

Well you know what, I felt AWFUL physically. It wasn't "fun" it was anxious and I couldn't wait for it to be out of my system. There was no fun rush, no euphoria, just a whole lot of sketchy feelings.

I think, after this experience, I am off the stuff for good(excepting on bad pain days when I take as reccomended). Because honestly there was nothing fun about how I felt tonight. I spent a good portion of it wondering if I had done too much and wondering if i should go to the hospital( I hadn't taken enough to OD or anything, not even close.. I took less than the max dose for the day so I knew I was safe but that didnt stop the freaking out.)

Its now come down and is pretty much out of my system, and I am SO thankful. I think its alot like when they say when you do drugs repeatedly they lose the "magic" of the high. I could definetly see that tonight. So really there is no reason for me to abuse it anymore. Because honestly, people use drugs to ESCAPE anxiety and stress, not create it! maybe thats not the best way of thinking of it, but tonight scared the pants off me and thats a good thing I think.

Heres to continuing on safely!