Hi horsecab, when I read your message, I just had to say a few things. I wonder if you see a therapist, because you would be able to find answers to this issue if you did. I have had difficulties in the past with the same issues: lack of love in my life and loneliness. Boy, do I know what this feels like!
Basic principles on how to deal with loneliness and other emotional issues:
FIRST AND FOREMOST, you need to be aware that everyone suffers from loneliness at one time or another. It is normal. It is the human condition. To some extent, we all need to accept it as a reality of life. But if it is all-consuming, then it is definitely a problem that has to be dealt with.
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Originally Posted by horsecab
Well, I fell in love with a married woman 3000 miles away online.
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If a person is married, then that usually means they are
unavailable for anything but friendship. Looking for more is asking for hurt. Especially from someone so far away.
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She loved chatting with me, but that's all she wanted.
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Of course that's all she wanted. She's married! Don't expect more of a person if they can't give it, even if you like them.
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Me, I was so hungry for love ... I fantasized that somehow it would work out for us. It didn't.
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No surprise. Fantasizing is usually wishful thinking. Fantasizing about love is not real love. That doesn't make it true. It is difficult to live in reality, but it is important to learn how. It is important to learn to accept reality. There are healthy ways to improve your reality if it is unsatisfying.
No one wants to get into a relationship with someone who is really needy. First you have to learn how to love yourself, then you will be ready to give love to someone else. Getting into a relationship because you are lonely is not a good reason to get into a relationship. It would not be healthy for your relationship. And getting into a relationship because you are lonely does not heal loneliness.
Fantasizing about love that doesn't really exist means you have emotional issues that need to be dealt with before getting into a relationship with a woman.
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I blew my top and spewed my hurt out at her, and so now I don't even have a friend to chat with.
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You can make friends closer to home. It can take time,but you can learn how. Get into therapy! Go to Emotions Anonymous, or Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous meetings. There you will learn about emotional issues that impede the ability for normal relationships. You don't want to go around projecting your need onto other people, expecting them to fill the hole of your need.
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I'm AvPD. And this is how I try to fulfill the love I so desperately seek, with my fear of being close to someone.
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When learning about real love, you find out there is always going to be a risk of getting hurt. Learn how not to let fear of getting hurt rule your life. The sooner you learn, the sooner you can get on with living a healthier life!
Bottom line is get into therapy and learn how to fix whatever the problem is. Find out why it is a problem in the first place. If it takes facing your past, then do it. Talking to someone is the only way to figure things out. And talking to someone who can really help you is the best thing to do.
The truth can hurt, but the truth also heals.
Wishing you good emotional health!
