Hi all again!

Ok, I'm back with more questions heh...

My wife at the moment, and throughout our marriage, has gone into what I call droughts of intimacy. Early in her childhood another child, a bit older (they both weren't even 8 yet), raped her. I was the first one she ever told, and this was when we were in our mid 30s, we are now 40 and 41, I am 41). I understand how this can affect one, you do one of two things, you become (later in life) sexually promiscuous (glad it's not that one!), or you become shut down sexually (not good either, but better this than her cheating on me all the time). PTSD is not a major factor. Her T won't labe her that as she doesn't have enough "symptoms" of PTSD, only a few. She also has schizoid tendancies, not full blown by any means, but she will shut down, put up a wall and not want anything to do with anyone.

This seems to come and go. Her feeling are she can do without sex, doesn't need it. Being married, and personally thinking it's the greatest way to show you love someone (it's not the whole marriage no, but it's a big part of it, at least imho), this is becoming a concern. I personally love to make love to her. I know this sounds stupid, duh, doesn't everyone? No...she doesn't. She went two years without sex or even self pleasure, and wasn't bothered. In our relationship we would go for up to 4 weeks without it, and what I call a Pitty #*($ would happen because she would feel sorry for me. Which, really, is it worth it, she's not into it, and no, not all sex is good, the old pizza addage isn't true.

She's seeing a T, but I am not sure he's working with her correctly. She went to him because of this, and they haven't talked about it yet.

We have talked, we have had major problems as of late, not related to this directly, and are now just getting back on track with our marriage and lives. But lacking still in the intimacy area, it's been 3 weeks since we made love, and that was one of the pitty &*($ I received. Real love making hasn't happened in about 6 months...we would on average have sex once every week...or so.

So, I told her, it's up to you, when you're ready, I will be here. No arguments, no fights, it's not the whole marriage, and things will be ok again. Of course I am frustrated beyond belief, I look at her and ... well you know. So I am venting, and also asking if anyone has been through this and if they are now "better". It hurts when someone says I love you but I have no desire, when to me the love you feel is expressed most deeply when making love.

I don't push her, don't ask, don't talk about it, like I said, I have left it up to her and she's in control of this, she knows that.

Now with the schizoid tendancies, she doesn't wanna talk sometimes, this time she waited so long to talk our marriage almost fell apart. One T told me to leave her alone and when she's ready she'll talk...well, I know her like a book, when something's wrong I can see it, so I ask is everything ok, if I get an, "I don't know answer", I leave it at that, she really doesn't know sometimes, sometimes I can say bull and she will talk. I hate that, but I deal with it because that's how she is, but is this "fixable"? Communicatoin is #1 in my book to keeping up a great relationship, it's hard when someone doesn't want to talk.

Thanks guys!