((reddragon)))) i am very glad that you are still posting and letting us know what you are internalizing... i think i can understand your statement about the perceived curse on you and i think there is a hope that the cloud could lift in time... i can see you have a solid base of support in this forum and i am happy to listen to you anytime if you want to PM... there is hope for us and it is the strong who never give up who are helping us all get there