I'm new too and I know it seems so hard and overwhelming for you right now. I wanted to address the issue of needing therapy without insurance. If you're in an area that's got a pretty population, there are probably lots of therapists that would see you on a sliding scale fee, and some of them for free even.
You might check with some local community organizations Catholic Charities or Jewish community centers, (you don't have to be either religion) to find some counselors. A lot T's fulfill their hours requirements for licensing by working as interns, and they can charge low rates or almost none at all.
I hope this helps and I really, with all my heart, wish you lots and lots of luck as you face this difficult time.

I don't think it necessarily helps to always focus on positive thoughts. I really think that if you are struggling with mental illness, that's exactly where you can't go.
Best to you,
kittykins9