Hey, just wanted to say I read this, not sure exactly what to say, but a few things.

communication is huge. but it can be so hard sometimes.
Other thing, is that with sex, guys and girls automatically look at it in different ways. I'm glad you view it as an expression of love, call it making love, that's so good. So many guys don't so seeing that really makes me happy
For me... making love is just that... making love, it HAS to have the emotional link... and in a weird way... that link can be there without the physical action of sex. So, for me I probably wouldn't have such a problem if we didnt share sex together, and since my body isn't yelling at me to have it all the time like a guy's body is, it wouldn't be so bad. I dont feel any less connected from my boyfriend if we haven't had sex in a day, or a week. I'm sorry it's so frustrating. I just... wanted you to keep hold of the fact that girls DON'T always need it as much, and I'm hoping you can also see, that the connection can still be there. I'm so glad you're giving her the time she needs, but I do hope you two can keep communications open its so important.
Being raped - I can't imagine, it's going to be so scarring, mybe that's something you have to work through with her...

I hope my jumbled thoughts made some sense... i'm not sure they make complete sense even to me but I hope they help somehow

but regardless, good luck, hoping all goes well