I'm not at the best Self-esteem I've ever had. The best times are what my dr describes as "an absence of depression" (which sounds like a bit hypomanic to me).

But since I've been through CBT, and since my last Absence-of-depression phase, my self-esteem has been much better.

I no longer feel a complete failure,my intelligence is average and I don't think I'm disgusting anymore, I feel I'm plain (Which I think is decent enough).

I'm proud of this. (yay!)

The thing is though, people challenge this pride. People call me pretty and smart.

The thing is though, I don't believe them. There's a difference between beign able to memorise facts and regurgatate them and being smart and logical, able to work things out. I just figure that most people don't understand that I do the first, or that there's any difference between them anyway.

And Pretty. Everytime someone says that about me as soon as I can I look in the mirror and stare at myself. It's only very rarely that I can see how they'd consider me that. But Mostly I don't. And when that happens, my plainess remorphs into ugliness. all I see is how over-weight I am, how round my face is, how small my eyes are, how small my lips are, all my blemishes, my nose it too big and an odd shape. All that.

Thing is, I know no one sees that with me, so how coem I can see it? I know I'm my wn worst critic, but still!

hmm, this was meant to be a positive thread 0_o