that's one of the comforting things i find here at pc. the members are supportive and many of us do understand the pain you are in because we have experienced or are experiencing the same pain. i'm sorry right now you are feeling so "stuck in the hole." 
keep sharing your thoughts and feelings, tmac. i see it like a pressure cooker. one lets out the steam a little at a time so it/we don't explode. it really does help! 
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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