Well i thought I was at the end of my rope already lately. It turns out the end of the rope was a little farther than I thought. I just threw my mother out of my house when she was supposed to be "helping" me.

i just threw mom out

and told her she needs to face up to the fact that she has serious issues and needs help
Oh god.. i dont know.. I am severely depressed. I realized that when she was here.

I am in a **** *** mood and dealing with her constant nagging/*****ing/cursing, i just sort of lost it.

It all started when she tried to comfort me and she touched me on the shoulders, you know like to to pat me.

And i HATE being touched. I dont like it, comes from being abused and not having a choice over being touched.

I dont like hugging mostly(depends on the person though) I dont like comforting touching, its just not something i like

so i said "dont touch me please"

and then she started to go off the handle

going on about how she cant do anything right and would be better off dead and yadda yadda yadda

and thats when i sort of lost it because she spent the entire time she was here *****ing at me for the house being messy

so she proceeded to start screaming and yelling, and throwing things, hitting herself in the face and hitting the walls.

talking about how nothing she did was ever right, how everyone jumps down her throat all the time

so i asked her if she thought maybe there was a reason for that, and said she has issues and needs help

she said she doesnt have issues, people give her issues

there is nothing wrong with her, its everyone else that has the problem

I just told her she had to leave if she was going to act like that because she made jer cry

When i asked her to stop yelling she said she would stop yelling when i start listening to her about keeping my house clean

and then she brought up how i havent forgiven her for beating me as a child and such and how she had apologized(she did, but it was a **** apology, like honestly you could tell she didnt really mean it.. she even has admitted this to me)

she thinks just because she helps me its going to magically make a whole ****** childhood go away

nonetheless, Im sorry, but i refuse to deal with her anymore. Shes going to have to get help. I will muck through and deal with jer the best I can for now, ask my aunt for help if needed.

I am just done. I cant deal with her AND my issues too

its just too much for me.

I just don't think that I should have to put up with moms bad behavior just because she has issues.. its NOT an excuse.

she needs to face up to the fact that shes got issues and deal with it. And the only way she is going to do that is if i go tough love on her.

It is bad enough that im dealing with depression and anxiety and having a hard time with jeremy right now. I don't need her "help" if it comes in the form of her coming over here and either nagging me about the house or acting like a snotty teenager(not that all teens are snotty, because they aren't). I have to parent a 1 year old, i don't need to parent her too.

I am just REALLY AT THE END OF MY ROPE.