I'm so confused, I guess looking for any guidance, from hugs, to advice... just anything.
Here's an excerpt from my blog... i think it says it all...
Quote:
Sometimes I really wonder, does it really exist? Is Icy{note: Icy = another part of me, I think?} real? She’s barely been around? And is Kit {note: Kit=my little} REALLY there? I mean, I can bounce around and stuff to what if I”m imagining it? I can remember everything… if they’re really different why can I remember EVERYTHING?
But if they’re not there, why no control? Why ? I can’t control what I do, I do things I don’t want to do. I’m yelling at her, myself? WHAT? to stop doing whatever it is and can’t make it stop. Why can I remember if it’s someone else, why can’t i control if it’s not?
Why do I feel a protest inside as I write this? Why do I feel a voice yelling at me sometimes, saying that “want play” or “me here” or… telling me one way. But how can it be if I can remember, if i’m there, retain the memories… it just doesn’t fit.
But I’m not myself, it’s me but it’s not me
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I don't know how to handle what's going on sometimes. I've tried to be as understanding of Kit as I can, to try to believe that it's there, trying to make her happy.
I've been trying to figure out why she's upset and how I can help. She keeps saying she's bad, I've had a few flashbacks to my mom yelling at me... things like that...
but I've not been abused, nothing like that. I remember the first time this kind of thing happening, a few months ago now. But I can REMEMBER EVERYTHING. So is it really happening?
I mean I remember EVERYTHING, at times it's minorly hazy but ... i REMEMBER EVERYTHING, so what's going on
I'm not sure I know how to handle this anymore...
????what's happening to me..?????.
confused, hurting, hugs plx?
