as many of you know i now caretake my ex-husband, david, who is paranoid schizophrenic. he has lived with me for a week. there have been ups and downs this first week but until today i felt that this task was manageable. it may still be manageable. i see the glass half full, not half empty.
i'm totally exhausted but need to write this before i go to bed. i am beyond angry. i am beyond belief to what has happened. i feel our family has been betrayed, VIOLATED. my distrust of others has once again reared it's ugly head. i am almost speechless. i need all of your hugs if you have one to offer.
my son who is career millitary has had to serve in iraq 3 times in the last 4+ years. each tour has been longer than expected. during that time since the family was so spread out: me in sc, me then in ga, tom's family first in texas, then in ga. during this time david was placed in an asisted living facility(alf) in florida. all our family is from florida so we thought that was the best thing to do until we could all get moved to florida ourselves. now we have accomplished that mission and david is living with me.
this morning was the first sign of things very awry with david altho i had seen some red flags this week. i attributed his off behavior as adjusting to finally living with family again. he began the day yelling out in the yard at 7 AM. i went out and asked that he try to quiet down. he said belligerently, "i didn't say/do anything. it was "him""...(the one he calls "ghost".)
to shorten this, as the day went on he became increasingly agitated, swinging his fists, making a strangle hold into air like he had a live human being between his hands, talking incessantly to "him", getting into my face and yelling obscenities at me, etc. even my doggie was terrified of him.
my son and family had invited us for family dinner at 430 pm. by this time i was a nervous wreck because david's behavior was beyond description. he did get dressed and all the way down in the car to tampa he was swinging at the air, yelling, talking about demons, taunting me, etc. my whole body was shaking when i finally got to my son's house.
david's behavior continued at my son's house. we discussed me taking david into the ER at the VA in the morning for psychiatric evaluation. i have never seen david like this since he was first diagnosed, 1974. he's has been labled a non-violent schiz. ..and this is where the story gets scary.
the alf that david was living at was told to take him to the VA last feb. we were told that was done and his ongoing care was thru them. when my son returned from iraq this last time he took david to the VA near the alf and he saw a psychiatrist. that pdoc did not agree with the meds the alf doc had david on. all his meds were changed.
when my son handed me david's meds from the alf last week, we assumed the meds were the ones from the VA pdoc. since i have a few dx's myself i was shocked that david was not on anything stronger than 20mg. of abilify. i mentioned this to my son but we had no idea where this observation would take us at that time.
the alf owner who has been charging us over 3500+/mo for david's care had never taken him to the VA. she never filled the meds prescribed as far as we know that my son returned to her from the VA. what i have been giving david was less than what i take for my BPD. this morning he became psychotic (from the alf sending him to us with meds that do not work for a schiz. that has psychotic breakthroughs. the docs name on the meds, the alf doc)
we entrusted david's care to a licensed alf in florida. i had already gotten bad vibes from the owner when i asked that his private bath be cleaned on two of my visits because it had the strong odor of urine in there. it literally made my eyes burn. she argued with me blaming it on david missing the bowl. knowing that we were planning to take him out of there i didn't want to get in her face about it. she followed me to the car arguing to me even tho i was getting into my car to leave. i turned to her and finally said, "it doesn't matter how the urine smell got there, it is unsanitary and needs to be cleaned." the next visit my son notices the same foul odor.
her "sweet" note at the top of the list of his med sheet says, "here are the meds that david is on. he needs to continue taking them. good luck!!!" (i didn't know until tonight that this doctor's name was the alf doc)
i'd like to send that note to her "up to where the sun don't shine". this woman has violated our family in the worse way. more importantly she has violated a sweet, sweet man who is mentally ill. we entrusted her to care for our loved one. a human being. a wonderful man. she had no intention of following our direction and for dave to get care at the VA. she dictated his less than acceptable mental health care with her alf doctor. she charged us for taking him to the VA visits he never had. she charged us again for having to fill meds at a pharmacy because the VA had not mailed them as agreed. we believed her. we trusted her. we visited as often as all of us could do under the iraq circumstances...and 3 small children would allow. i drove to florida and would spend a week at a time taking david out for day trips. we wanted him to know we cared and loved him. we wanted to assure him that we had not abandoned him.
tomorrow i take david to VA to the ER. i will get him the care he needs to become as stablized as we can expect with this dx. if the results aren't satisfactory to us at VA, then we will go a step further and get him a private pdoc to get him on the proper meds and stablized, then can resume VA.
i can assure you that i have used restraint of pen writing this....but i am no longer shaking with rage as i was when i started this post. if a loved one of a mentally challenged/ill individual is reading this...BE ON NOTICE. your loved one may not be getting the proper medical care for their dx. you can be told or reassured a thousand times but don't assume it is true for one new york moment. ask to see records, all records, hound them, let them know you are watching them like a hawk. how many other unfortunates are out there with NO VOICE?
i don't like to get this angry but this lady right here is on a mission and ANGRY I AM. that lady will see her little-ole-alf-self closed down if i have an ounce of strength left in my body.
thank you for letting me rant...thank you for reading...thank you all for being here for me...and david.