Well, as a result of one of my bouts I did lose my job. I've dealt with loss of appetite and sleeping difficulties (even though normally I can be almost narcoleptic at times...lol). My last bout, because the generic Zoloft wasn't helping, resulted in my first hospital stay because I was feeling that hopeless. The more time that went by without any improvement, the more I lost perspective. I feel like more than ever before I felt like I was never going to feel well again. I couldn't stay in my own house because I felt so anxious there, so I spent several months at my ex-husband's house, basically forcing my teenage son to live like a vagabond during that time as his aunt and two cousins also live there.

I could only function very minimally, although when I was at work, maybe because I've been doing my job for so long, I was able to muddle through (well, with the exception of not being there for 1-1/2 wks due to my hospital stay).

It can feel so incredibly insurmountable when you're in the midst of it. The best I could do was try and find ways to bide my time while I waited for the meds to kick in. I'd try as much as possible to find distractions. When I was at the hospital it helped some to ride the stationary bikes they had available. I could feel a definite lift in my mood, even if it wasn't huge nor did it last a terribly long time. It did provide fleeting relief. I was prescribed clonazepam and that helped with respect to the accompanying anxiety and to get to sleep. It kind of served as a buffer with respect to my ruminating thoughts.

I recall saying to my ex-husband during one of my previous bouts that the time I felt the best was when I was asleep. During the earliest stages of this latest bout my thinking was so distorted that I questioned if I'd died and gone to hell and my damnation was that everything in my life was replicated to make me think I was still alive, but that I'd be depressed throughout eternity. I think that's about as bad as it gets.

Oh, one final thing. I got my period when I was in the hospital and it lasted for over TWO months! And of course I was already fatigued because it goes with the territory, but I was starting to become downright anemic. My GP put me on a 10 day course of Provera to stop the bleeding and that rendered the brandname Zoloft less effective for that time period. But once the bleeding stopped I started feeling increasingly better day by day.

As much as possible I just tried to take things one day at a time. When I'd feel like I couldn't take it anymore, I'd just tell myself to try and hang in there for one more day. And then I'd repeat that the next day.

Is this your first bout with depression? It's only been a very short time that I've felt back to my "old self" again. I pretty much felt like hell from early November until the latter part of January. But I weathered it, as I have many times before. THIS time, I vow to stay on my meds faithfully.

If you think it might help for you to stay in touch with someone who recently hit rock bottom but subsequently climbed my way back up and out, please feel free to PM me your email address and/or yahoo IM username.