Thank you Michah but I'm still not entirely sure I want to give up or change how or who I am. As I mentioned before, part of me wants to feel but another part wants to continue as I am. If I could feel half the time that'd be ideal but that's not looking like a very possible outcome.

No, you aren't dictating me, you're giving suggestions based on personal experiences. However, you are not the first one to try to in a sense, help me. I've had some others try, although all of them (exception of you) had very little understanding. I can however see where it could seem somewhat dictating, however, these pixels on a computer screen don't dictate me, so that's fine. I guess I went about the long, extravagant way of saying, you're not dictating, just giving experience and wanting to help change me to indirectly help you, a sort of 2 for 1 deal.

However, the idea of letting the power, pain, violence, and to an extent the numbness that I have all go away I'm not sure I'm willing to do. Feeling more I am wanting part of the time but also keeping all the power and everything else. I guess it's possible to keep it while feeling everything.

Well, I'm waiting for the psychiatrists or psychologist to phone me and tell me when to come in and do the personality tests, so after doing them, then after meeting with the psychiatrists once more, I'm assuming they'll give some sort of result or way to go. Although, I'll still be seeing my therapist but she isn't too good at all with getting me to understand the emotions/feelings, as really, no progress has been made.