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Feb 09, 2009, 12:33 AM
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((( hugs ))) 
I'm sorry you're having a lot of confusion. I know it's hard. 
Have you considered that what you're describing might be your normal ego states under stress?
Here is some info that might (or not) fit. Just thought you (and others here) might find it interesting reading.
What are ego states?
According to Emmerson, "An ego state is one of a group of similar states, each distinguished by a particular role, mood and mental function, which when conscious assumes first person identity."
He goes on to say that ego states are a normal part of a healthy psyche and should not be confused with alters (multiple personalities in dissociative identity disorder). In his book he states that we all have ego states, but multiple personalities develop as an unconscious coping mechanism so that traumatic events can be forgotten from one day to the next.
Ego states start as defense coping mechanisms. With repetition they develop into compartmentalized sections of the personality that become executive (conscious and overt) when activated.
"Our unconscious contains our ego states that are not executive, and some ego states have not been executive for many years. They maintain their own memory and communicate with other ego states to a greater or lesser degree" (p. 3).
One could conceptualize ego states as mini-personalities or sub-personalities. What C.G. Jung called "feeling-toned complexes" are essentially these same phenomena.
Ego states are different from the alternate personalities exhibited by persons with multiple personality disorder (now known as dissociative identity disorder). Those alternate personalities are more markedly compartmentalized, separated by "amnesia barriers," and consequently more complex, having had to assume more functions.
Often DID/MPD patients experience total dissociative amnesia ("missing time") for periods when their "alters" are in the executive. One might say that all alternate personalities are ego states, but not all ego states are alters.
Ego State Therapy by Gordon Emmerson PhD ©
Here's a pretty good review of the book.
http://www.mindandbodyhealthmatters....e-therapy.html
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