thanks so much everyone...
blossom, what you said about the ego states does fit, it's just confusing because I feel so out of control, and because the parts can be so pushy. they do things I, ME , don't want to do, an I can argue away at them but they do it anyways, and when I'm here they'll even seem to yell at me to do something else... it's just been confusing,

all the hugs, all the info so much appreciated - especially tonight, cuz I had an... interesting night, haven't been able to sleep because everytime I start to get to sleep another part starts to take over, or another part gets scared of the bads parts in side us.

thank you everyone for understanding, and loads of hugs