My Support Forums - View Single Post

Puffyprue · Feb 09, 2009, 04:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RiverX

I'd like help/ experiences on this subject:

Safety / Integrity

The professional literature I've read on the Schizoid/ and avoidant personality disorder, says that the priority for these people in a relationship is SAFETY.
I am questioning this, and I think the underlying issue is INTEGRITY.

....... and if you have any of these tendencies, I'd appreciate hearing your experiences here becuase I'm doing some writing, and I'd like a) to see if what Im thinking echoes others' experiences and b), If anyone would like to contribute their quotes. ...

check this prof. quote first:

quote:

"“Where the mother’s libidinal investment is insufficient, that is, where there is neglect abuse, trauma, chronic misatunement, or persistent emotional pressure on a child to submit to a relational bargain primarily designed to serve the mother’s psychological needs as opposed to the child’s, a Disorder of the self will result................... with its own structural characteristics. “
p.37 'The Therapist's Guide to the Disorders of the Self' Masterson

......so, the problem being that the parent, is using the child for thier own unfulfilled needs, rather than fulfilling the child's needs to grow to a fulfilled independant person. This is a 'backwards connection'. What is confusing is that there is also often genuine feelings of love involved. But yet, within that love there is a sort of relational distortion.

This was how it was for me. So, for example in therapy, tho I have been diagnosed with schizoid disorder of the self, it isnt safety that I crave in a relationship, but it is integrity.

...so, for example, the last time I saw a T. she moved me on too quickly, before I'd finished dealing with a subject, this put her in charge of the pace and direction of the session, and that makes me feel she is taking power and initiative out of my hands - and why? what is her motive? doesnt she lack integrity if she mainly feels she wants to be in power, in charge of me - that's not the idea of therapy, it should be empowering.. so wheres the integrity here...

and thats how my issues go. Sure, there is an issue of safety for me here, but far more important is 'what is her intent', which is more to do with integrity, its deeper.

So, is there anyone who could contribute thier thoughts/ and experiences here.. ?

I'd love to hear from you, thanks ....

i've been diagnosed with avoidant personality so with me safety first than both which means safety and integrity coz iam too sensitive and mostly people with schizoid or avoidant its extremely sensitive even for anyone else its nothing so both its important ..i hope it could helps...