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imapatient · Feb 09, 2009, 06:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deliquesce

pdoc loves me i know but he's scared. he wants me to start effexor.

he's on a different page to me, i think. he keeps wanting to talk about uni stuff, maybe because that is the safest thing for him to grasp onto. acknowledges that im having bizarre thoughts, but didnt ask about them and i wanted to share about them.

also wanted to talk a bit about the abuse stuff that has been killing me, but i dont think that is going to happen.

he is doing all the right things - new meds, available on phone, seeing me again on thursday - but i dont think it is helping.

its ok but i dont want to be strong anymore. and now i feel trapped because i know pdoc cares, and i dont want to hurt him. but he's the only person irl who cares, and that's pretty shameful. it's just hard because i feel so alone.

i wish i had my old T still on side because he could stay with me through this but obviously that ended for a reason.

Deli, you've made progress in the past few days. You need to tell pdoc about the "bizarre thoughts." Those are very, very important to deal with immediately. You can get to some of the other stuff soon enough, but keeping safe from those thoughts is really important, I think. Can you send a simple letter and explain about them and why/that you want to talk about them? You could even print out some of your posts from here about your fears of voices and others. That way you could get to it on Thurs. and if he wanted to do anything before then, he could. As the saying goes “He doesn’t know what he doesn’t know” so you have to take the reins to tell him. Could you drop it off still today?

People in real life do care about you. When someone is getting therapy, it can be really hard for people who don't understand the process to relate to us. It’s not that they don't care; they just can't understand what we're going through. Unfortunately we're the ones who have to be understanding and recognize that it's not in their ability or experiences to know how we are experiencing life. It's a double burden on us.