Thanks Pat. Last night an old friend came with her young foster daughter, a young neice and her 2 older children to see hubby's play. They couldn't reach me on the phone so I was at home feeling lazy and will go to the last performance tonight. So suddenly it's 11:00 and in troops a party of 5. Scurry to get beds made up and then realize we have no milk for the baby. We use soy and she was not particularly impressed. So anyway, it was cool to see them all. Wish I gor snuggle time with my friend but I read to her young neice instead. I woke up and fed them and saw them off and went back to bed till about 1:00 and then Hubby left and I watched t.v. till 3:00. I feel so tired. I am getting ready for the play.

He is getting nervous, wants us to be okay. Thinking about death. I told him that I would pickle him and sit him up in the living room with the nintendo controllers and a motion senstive recording of his voice saying "yes dear" "just a minute" ":a ha" "what" ! He chuckled at that one.

I am trying to let the work stuff go. I am hurt and confused. I have no opportunity to ask questions or get answers about the things that were said of me. It doesn't matter though because I need to work. It hurts that I am vulnerable.

I don't feel guilt or shame for the cut, I feel satisfaction that in reality it is only a scratch and that I survived.

I have been here long enough to see the misunderstandings and the pain that happens on the boards. Still, it boggles my brain that my intentions at work could be so mistaken. It boggles my mind that co-workers would feel I was unapproachable and go behind my back. I can't waste my energy here now though. I need to build up the reserves to get through what is coming. I have friends who will set up the hospital bed if necessary and move my daughter as she has the only first floor room.

I need to talk, and this is how I am doing it I guess. I called about hubbie's teacher's retirement yesterday as he has no disability insurance. If we cash it in to live on we lose 30% automatically. A small portion may come back in form of 2005 IRS filings. What to do?

Thanks for listening.

I am trying to be good

I just want to be loved.