Hi all,

I am new to this forum. I hope that I will find others who can sympathize with my predicament. Right now, I feel so alone.

In July of 2002, I suffered a miscarriage. I had broken up with my boyfriend the around Memorial Day weekend after we had been dating for six months. At the time, he was coping with a drinking problem and had been serving probation for two misdemeanor violations. I learned about the pregnancy around the Fourth of July and miscarried approximately three weeks later.

When the miscarriage occurred, I was starting to date my current husband. We were not physically intimate because I believe in postponing intercourse until a relationship has developed. My husband and ex-boyfriend were unaware that I was pregnant that summer. I was contemplating how to handle the situation when I suffered the miscarriage.

Until December of last year, I had buried this trauma. I had no intention of disclosing it to anyone. From my research, a miscarriage is a fairly common occurrence in the first trimester of a pregnancy. My husband dislikes my ex-boyfriend so I did not think that it would be appropriate for me to complicate our relationship by discussing this tragedy.

Unfortunately, I was compelled to reveal this secret under duress two months ago. My mother-in-law had been contacting us, practically, daily to update us to his niece's pregnancy status. My niece-in-law was in the final month of her pregnancy and was supposed to give birth around the holidays. My MIL was excited because this was the first child for my NIL and the first great-grand child to be born in the family.

What was supposed to be a joyous occasion became a living hell for me. I had to endure my MIL's constant complaints to my husband over the fact that I will never have a biological child with him. My husband had a vasectomy performed two years ago after I had been diagnosed with several medical conditions that would complicate a pregnancy. My MIL accused me of being anti-child during the course of several phone calls to my husband. In response, I informed my husband that I did not want to be notified of my NIL's status until she had delivered her baby, which happened on New Year's Eve.

During this time, I learned from a mutual friend that the ex had been elected again to public office. He had served in the state legislature several years ago. We started dating a year after he was defeated for re-election. The mutual friend mentioned that the ex had inquired how I was doing now.

Interpreting this overture as a good will gesture, I contacted the ex to congratulate him on his electoral victory. Then, we proceeded to correspond via e-mail. I informed him of the pregnancy and miscarriage. He requested that we meet in person to discuss these events.

I informed my husband that I would like to meet with the ex regarding a painful subject. Then, I proceeded to elaborate upon the reason for my tete-a-tete. My husband was supportive. He stated that I could meet the ex by myself or he could be present. Unfortunately, my husband works second shift and the only time the ex had available was during his lunch hour. I arranged to meet the ex in a public setting.

In retrospect, the meeting was a bit traumatizing for me. The ex accused me of dating my husband while I was involved with him. I was friendly with my husband because we had attended college together but I was not romantically involved with him. In addition, the ex claimed that he could not be certain of the paternity of the unborn child. I was highly offended by this offensive comment because I had lost my virginity to the ex and had been faithful to him.

A month later, at the end of January, I was contacted again by the ex. He called me around 11 p.m. The call went into my voicemail because I had turned off my cell phone. For starters, he apologized for his behavior during our meeting. He alleged that he had been overwhelmed by my disclosure. Then, he proceeded to inform me that he "loves me very much" and wishes that the situation had turned out differently.

As you can imagine, his declaration of love sent me into a tailspin. I yearned for him to convey this sentiment to me several years ago. His immaturity was the reason why I severed the relationship.

However, I am married and have not forgotten this fact. My husband and I have been married for three and a half years. During the course of our brief marriage, we have coped with many crises. I have been injured as a passenger in two MVAs in which my husband has been the driver. In addition, my husband battles depression and ADD. He has threatened to commit suicide on more than once occasion.

Unfortunately, I did not delete the cell phone message from my ex. My husband, inadvertently, borrowed my phone last week because our cell phones are identical. He did hear the message from my ex and notified me that he wanted to discuss it when he returned home.

That evening, I notified the ex that I had received his VM message. In addition, I informed him that my husband had also been privy to it. The ex claimed that he thought the "I love you very much" would have been interpreted in a platonic sense. My husband and I beg to differ with him.

As a result, I have changed my cell phone number. In addition, I have also added my ex to my block sender list for my e-mail. I do have a profile listed on a social networking site but he had not contacted me through the mutual friend.

I am absolutely reeling. The ex has left me flabbergasted. Meanwhile, my husband thinks that I should have recovered from the pregnancy and miscarriage because it transpired several years ago. There is no timeline on healing.

Right now, I am trying to find a therapist who will accept my insurance. My husband would also like to pursue joint counseling. I cannot cope with joint sessions until I meet, individually, with a therapist. On a daily basis, I find myself succumbing to tears over the miscarriage and my ex's antics.

Sorry if my situation sounds to some like a soap opera. I know that I am not the only person who has ever suffered a miscarriage. Please reassure me that I am not losing my mind. Thanks.

CPK