RYAN,

I too struggle with this. It's hard when you feel like your taking 5 steps forward and then 10 steps back. Like you never ahead of the game. I have been in a bad way lately as you know but I had to find strength with in me to put my pain and misery aside and just make that one step ahead. It was hard. It still is. Everyday is a struggle. I often think about my mental illness and If I will ever know the true feeling of happiness with in me. I think I will. I hope I will. I guess everyday we have to move closer and closer to it as best as we can. We are here for you when needed. Always. I know how you feel about not wanting people to come over (to your party). It's almost as if you want to isolate yourself. DONT. This party is the best thing for you. Before you know it you'll be cuttin a rug and screaming "OH WERE HALF WAY THERE. OH OH LIVIN ON A PRAYER. TAKE ME HAND AND WE'LL MAKE IT I SWARE. OH OH LIVIN ON A PRAYER". I can see you now. Have fun RY. You deserve it.