Cpk,
YOu said it yourself. Grief has no timeline, but this is complicated by all of the different things going on in your life. I lost a baby in 1992. It still shakes me, and it still makes me sad. but most days it isn't something I think about.
Maybe the whole business of not really working it out at the time made it far worse. It seems like everytime we repress stuff, it comes back stronger than ever at some point later. I can see how the pregnancy in the family would be very activating too-- I know after the miscarriage, I did not want to be near babies, or their parents; it just hurt too much to think about.

So just sending you very warm thoughts. It was a terrible time for you and you are just now trying to process it all.

Kittykins9