Hi Peaches, wow I really related to a lot of what you wrote. I've found I also have trouble with the breaks, though for me it's worse at the beginning, then I go numb pretty quickly and the rest that you describe above follows. Working through this right now in fact, as my T was gone for 3 months, and since we've started up again, I have this total anger for her that I can't explain. Rational me knows that she hasn't really done anything wrong, so then I feel confused for why I'm feeling so angry and not wanting to connect with her, which makes me feel worse.

It's very difficult, no doubt about it and I'm sorry that it's hard for you right now. You're definitely not alone in having to work through it. I think you're doing exactly what you should be, by trying to put the feelings into words so that you can reflect on them and why you're having these reactions. Good job and only a little while longer until your T comes back!

ETA: re: your question as to why it comes up with T, but not your mom, have you looked at Briere? He writes some really interesting stuff about how some early trauma is encoded in a non-narrative form, so you might not have access to the memories, but the feelings that go with them come up when triggered by similar interpersonal interactions. He says it better, but here's a link (PDF at bottom): http://johnbriere.com/stm.htm