and you say to yourself if I never connect with another person - never feel anything again ever then I can stop the pain - people willl only leave or let you down when you most need them - thats what happens - you think it must be something about you -maybe they sense how bad you are inside or see the need that reaches out like a childs hand that gets slapped down by the adult as it reaches for comfort... and then the tears turn inside and you shut down - say I dont need a T - but thats no way to live - no way to heal - and you know that too - but it means youn ahve to take another chance - try again and thats hard - but you can do it -

Im sorry that your T is away - please dont shut down - its hard to start up again - your T will be back and you can continue healing - until then let us share your load - we are here and you can lean on us I understand the spiral you are feeling -